I am trying to get a hold of my dreams, trying to keep them from jumping around. I just need time to drain my brain from all of the losses. It does have a beautiful corner I have made for myself a long time ago, so what I do is write. I write these stuff down so I can remember what I do have. Because I do have a lot. I do have a lot of light that needs to shine the darkness I’ve willingly surrounded myself without a false sense of protection.

I look at life from different angles each day. Each moment shows me that everything can go wrong in an instant. I do overanalyze every little thing that is said to me. Because I don’t trust people that much and I try to look behind their words. And in their words I try to identify the thing that connects us. Each and everyone of us has something they try and hide, whether knowingly or not. The most dangerous are the ones that don’t know they are trying to hide some deep dark corner of their being. They can infect you in a powerful way. They can break you down, even if they don’t want to do that.

Some people live inside my brain. I hear their voices constantly. Some judging, some belittling me, but the worst is my own voice. It’s angry with me, constantly. I tried letting it out and give it a moment to breathe, but it didn’t help at all. It shreds apart everything I ever do and says that I didn’t do enough. Ever single day, every enterprise of mine is casted with an enormous shadow of self sufficiency.

So that’s why I need to drain my brain. So I can get all of them out. The one reason I haven’t done this before is because I am afraid that I will drain my beautiful corner also. The one I made… And I will be left sane, but empty. Empty of the thing, the one thing, that made me… Me. So this is so I can remember the beautiful corner I once had.